Divorce is not an end to the family; it is the reorganization of the family.
Divorce is hard on everyone but especially the children. Lillian Quinn, of Family Law Bend, works to promote co- parenting when possible. Most of the cases are joint legal custody and this allows both parents a 50% say in three main areas: medical, educational and religious decisions. Lillian encourages parents to think about making joint legal decisions. More often than not, parents who are divorcing with children would have no problem making a joint decision regarding medical care or what school the children should attend. Sometimes sole custody is appropriate depending on the specific facts of the case. A sole custody situation, for example, might arise if one parent has a substance abuse issue and cannot parent the children or make legal decisions.
Parenting time can work all sorts of ways: week on/week off, extended weekends, 3 days on/4 days off, long distant parent having the summer, etc. Lillian, as an experienced Bend divorce lawyer, can help guide parents on what the best plan might be for their family based on the ages of the children, the work schedules, where parents live and the emotional relationships the parents might have with the children. Through 25 years of family law practice, it has become clear that most children love both parents and they suffer when the parents fight and use the children as pawns. Divorcing with children is never easy because you move from one family unit to two family units.
Non Hostile Family Law Resolutions:
- I will promise to keep my child's best interests in mind while going through this divorce or separation. I understand that even though I am traumatized, my child is traumatized as well. My child needs me to be mentally and physically healthy. My child is not my counselor.
- I will promote my child's relationship with the other parent. I will speak only positive statements about my ex. I will look at the good things that they are capable of doing.
- I will compliment my ex on something that our child really enjoyed doing while being with them. I will remind myself how important it is for our child to have both parents in their life.
- I will remind my ex of important school events coming up and ask that they attend while explaining how our child lights up when that parent comes to school.
- I will not compete with my ex on gift giving, on activities or in any other unhealthy manner.
- I will share some of my parenting struggles with my ex so we can have an open dialogue regarding what works and doesn't work with our child. All parents struggle and it is okay not to be the "perfect" parent.
- I will understand that people have different ways of parenting and that my ex may not parent our child the same way I will. The child wins having different styles and both people in their life.
- I will try to smile and be civil when I am introduced to my ex's new love interest. I will encourage that person to love and be good to our child. It can be one more person on the team supporting our child.
- I will work on being a happier, more positive person. Time will be set aside to focus on my needs so that I can be emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally together for my child. I will pamper myself. If I go down, the ship goes down!